I can tuck mytits in my pants
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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