So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
