He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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