Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
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