My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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