Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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