Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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