He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
organizing the empties. That sober.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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