you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
