she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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