theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sorry about my life...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
