Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize