my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
