So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
