apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
