you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I will be naked everywhere
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
