I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
