You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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