Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
