Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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