You can't special order awesome
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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