i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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