So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
