I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
