you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
