I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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