This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
