I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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