my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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