return my video game
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize