i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
