last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
