I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
