Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Mom said you looked used
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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