This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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