dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
