I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize