a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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