Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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