thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Will exercising make me less horny?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize