Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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