Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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