dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
