Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
