do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
