What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
