I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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