Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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