Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
