Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
FUCK WHALES
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
