Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
