Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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