The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
