do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize