so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
