your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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