pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
50% drunk capacity currently
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
