just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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