im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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