I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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