READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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