i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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