So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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