2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize