Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
