i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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