I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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