Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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