New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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