Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
