I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
