I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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