Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize