So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
where does the pee come out of this thing
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I need to calm my uterus...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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