I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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