you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
