we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
