Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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