he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
