____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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