first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
