So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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