But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's get the cat blown out
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
