Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
